… and getting my head wrapped around where Domina and I are going.
I mean, what in the world am I thinking – I have voluntarily asked my Domina to lock my cock up in a tiny plastic cage, and take complete control of my orgasms. More than that, I have asked her to do this to keep me from masturbating without her permission! Any vanilla red-blooded American male would have me committed for insanity for such action – yet it is a request I willingly and gladly make. In addition, it is a request that causes me no end of horniness every time I think about it.
At the same time it scares the hell out of me. It scares me to think that gradually Domina is getting more comfortable with this arrangement. That she is actually not only enjoying my chastity, but she is relying on it and getting turned on by the prospects and benefits it brings.
We have agreed to a 3 month term to our D/s “arrangement”, and I keep thinking forward to the end of this and wonder how she will feel about how our relationship has developed. Of course I hope she will have found it rewarding – that she will have received a husband that is more aligned with her wants and needs and a submissive that makes her proud.
I also hope that she has had an opportunity to experience what it is like to live a “Female Led Relationship”, and that she sees not only the direct benefits to her but also the benefits to our marriage and our lives together.
I am scared by all of the above at the same time.
What if she decides in these three months that not only does she like this new arrangement, but that this is the way our lives will go on together. Can I maintain this lifestyle? Can I continue to think of myself less and her more? Can I deal with never getting to touch a part of my anatomy so integral to who I am? What will be the new paradigm?
Heady questions – and yet more flood in and wash over me. Where will it end? No more safe word? No more orgasms ever? Slavery?
Part of what has been prompting this deep thought was a dream I had a couple of days ago. The details are a bit fuzzy, as dreams tend to be, but the part I remember vividly was Domina, and her attitude to me. She had a disregard for me, and attitude that exuded ownership and property. She was more concerned that her toy be functional and not broken, but beyond that, she didn’t care whether or not I was happy or in pain or whatever. She looked on with mild interest and distraction as I was painfully fucked over and over. Beatings, whippings and all manner of pain and humiliation piled on and I, crying real tears and begging for mercy – falling on her deaf ears. And I woke up scared and sporting a painful erection straining to burst the CB completely turned on by it all.
How can I be turned on by something like that? This is my wife – someone who I love and I know loves me dearly – to be transformed into this unconcerned and cold Goddess. It represents the depths of my fears and the heights of my fantasy and eroticism.
In a way, my love and fear of chastity runs oddly parallel to all the rest of my love and fears. I want, no crave, the absolute control that my Domina has over me by locking me in chastity and denying my masturbation and orgasms. And I fear the growing enthusiasm and evil glee with which Domina is showing as each day passes. I really don’t have any control here – and I have never experienced the places that Domina is going, the darker recesses of her personality and Dominance – it is fascinating to watch as each day passes her Dominance and sadism grows deeper and more complex. What are the limits? Where will it lead? Will my dream become my reality? Do I really want it to become my reality – the fact that I don’t know, scares me the most.
I know some of you are sitting there wondering, “What the hell is he complaining about?” Please understand, there is no complaint in my musings. All that I have mentioned here is extremely erotic to me. I have been more turned on and horny over the last month, than I have been in a very very long while. So is my fear, fear of the unknown? Fear of loosing control? I don’t know yet. But I do know this…
…. I … don’t…. want….it….to…end…
We started the week and the stamina training with a bang, but since Tuesday when Domina did a short off the cuff scene (read about it here), we have been laying low the last couple of days.
Domina is getting laid off today from her job of 11 years. It has been a bittersweet experience for her because as soul sucking as her job is, to be let go through no fault of your own after so many years has got to leave a mark and impact. I have tried to be supportive and there for her, but in the end this is her journey and all I can try to do is spread some rose petals in her path every once in a while.
We have an idea or two for getting some other streams of income going, one of which is Domina is considering trying out starting a keyholding service. She does a great job with mine 
, and I know that whatever she puts her thoughts, effort and energy into she will be wildly successful. We also have a couple of other ideas floating around as well – but for right now I think Domina is just ready for all the drama to be over and the ability to just relax around the house and decompress from all the stress of the last couple of days leading up till now.
Wednesday I didn’t get home until late from work so we reclined on the couch, relaxed and the CB-6000 remained on. Yesterday, when I got home, Domina immediately removed my chastity device and said she wanted “access”. We had a brief bit if nuzzling and Domina later in the evening fooled with her cock a little – but it was pretty obvious her mind and heart were not in it. We ended up going to bed and left the CB off – I thought about asking Domina if she wanted it back on – but thought better of it – I figured with her being distracted as she was – I didn’t want to push or prompt her back into her role as Domina – I figured she needed a break from the pressure.
However, this morning I made sure to get the CB washed and prepped to put it back on, and presented it for locking without prompting. She smiled as she clicked it in place, and then I had to do a mad dash out the door to make my Friday morning meeting.
We are supposed to go out tonight with friends to celebrate and give Domina a chance to let her hair down. I hope it goes well and she has fun.
On another note, I am giving a class for our local BDSM group tomorrow on Figging with a demo session that evening at their play party – should make for an interesting post later in the weekend.
…we now return you to your regularly scheduled post (coming in a couple of days)…
So, as you know from reading Domina’s blog, my stamina training has begun! I apologize for not getting this post up sooner – but then you all know where the complaint department is
On Saturday, Domina decided that she wanted some baseline metrics on my performance. After some discussion (she said she wanted my engineering / scientific brain on this one) she decided to first see how fast I could cum (with just my hand) right after being released from chastity. Then a 20 minute refractory period and follow up with the fleshlight STU to see how long it would take for me to get to the edge of orgasm.
Late on Saturday afternoon, she suddenly said “Okay, let’s do this!”. She quickly removed the CB-6000 and said “Get on with it”. I began to stroke myself and closed my eyes to focus. I was a little self-conscious sitting on the couch masturbating in front of her, but after a week of regular T&D sessions and countless edgings I quickly grew hard and shot cum over my chest (2 minutes for those of you keeping track).
Amazing how nothing kink can happen in my life and then suddenly stuff happens so quickly I can’t type fast enough.
Yesterday evening the ring to my CB-6000 arrived as well as the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit that Domina ordered for my stamina training program starting next week. By the time I had gotten home from work, she had already taken it out of the box and it was laying on the coffee table when I walked through the door. I immediately knew this is going to be an interesting week. (more after the cut)
For today’s post I am going to change the timeline a little bit – I’ll tell you about what happened this morning (if you follow me on Twitter you would know part of what happened) and then give you all the wonderful details of what Domina did to me last night when we played.
Read more…
So I am writing you today securely held in the plastic confines of my CB-6000 – it feels wonderful!
Last night Domina put me through a very intense (albeit short) tease and denial session. The reason it was so intense was due to the fact she kept talking in my ear about what she was planning for my upcoming boot camp – so here are the details!
She talked about how she is planning on making it a one week on, one week off schedule. This week is a week off (to give her more time to sort out the actual schedule and details, I am guessing) and I will be locked in the chastity belt for the duration. She also told me that she will be keeping me in chastity during the “week on” weeks, just not as much because she wants to make sure I am not playing with her property without her supervision (wouldn’t want to waste anything, now would we?)
On Friday evening, Domina let me out of the CB-6000 because we were going out dancing with friends. It was nice to be free again and we had a fun night.
The weekend was a combination of lazing around the house and getting yardwork and housework done.
While we were out and about Saturday, Domina found a bar-b-que / boil paddle at a store and purchased it as a new toy. I had been joking with her earlier about wanting to go to the kink store to buy some new toys. We didn’t end up going to the kink store, but when she bought this paddle, I was pretty scared of the glint in her eyes.
Later Saturday evening, Domina strapped me down to the spare bed with the sport sheets, and proceeded to give me a nice warmup and then some caning. This was all prelude to her pulling out the paddle.
To her credit, Domina went slow and gave me plenty of time to build up to the pain – and suprising enough the paddle was not near as bad as I had built it up in my mind. Now whether this is the nature of this new toy (I doubt it), or Domina taking it easy on me (where my money is riding), only time will tell.
As we made our way through the weekend, I found myself being anxious for more play, for more abuse. I finally clued into the fact that we had just gotten off our honeymoon period, and that there is no way we could maintain the exquisite constant state of play we had been in for the previous weeks.
Now we get down to the business of figuring out how much is too much and how much is enough.
Domina and I discussed this phenomenon earlier in the weekend, and she asked me point blank how many times a week I would be happy with playing. Since it has been so long since I have played regularly, I am at a loss. When left to my devices I would masturbate usually daily, and with my new restrictions I find I am hornier than ever. But does that consitute a playing frequency? I am still mulling this over and over in my mind, and have yet to come up with a reasonable answer.
I love the constant dynamic of FLR in our relationship, and if we were honest with ourselves, because of our personalities this has been an undercurrent in our relationship from the beginning. The only difference now is it is 100% there in our sex lives and even more pronounced in our day to day interaction – fully acknowleged and apparent if you will. So I guess it makes sense that that was so easy for us to adapt our lives to.
So how much or often do you play? How many scenes a week is “normal”?
On another note, Domina posted a new blog entry over the weekend (here), and it has got me in a state. So much so, that when she let me have some private play time in the shower on Sunday (for being a good boy – no cumming mind you) it was all I could think of and masturbate to.
Domina is firming up a plan to begin my training bootcamp and in particular my sexual stamina training.
The thought of her spending her time training me so I can not only service her occasional need for penatrive sex, but also being trained so I can be her stud, her sex toy to loan out to friends, has got me so worked up and horny I can’t begin to tell you.
So much so, that I wish she would have locked me back in the chastity belt this morning, temptation is so much easier to bear when you have absolutely no control over it.
I have no other details other than what Domina has posted in her blog, but I cannot wait to see how she will bring this all to fruition.
I feel almost like a kid waiting for Christmas!
As I wrote in my previous post about our Collar-Moon, Domina mentioned she wants me to lose weight and start working on my appearance. One of the reasons for this is Domina wants to get me in shape so she can pimp me out.
Over the years, Domina and I have joked with each other that she is my pimp. It is a fun and titillating fantasy, and on occasion she had “loaned” me to one or two of her girlfriends who were in need and interested in a good fucking. Domina sees it as being able to show off and boast about what a wonderful catch she has. Always been good for my ego.
As I mentioned in my last post Domina had mentioned that she was considering bringing out the cb-6000 and locking her cock up.
As I sit here writing today’s blog post, I am securely locked away in her chastity belt.
Domina had complained last night of lack of sleep, so I half thought she might put locking me up till the next day. Boy was I wrong!
Domina mentioned over the weekend that she was going to introduce chastity training to our D/s dynamic in the near future. Nothing in BDSM I have encountered, is as encompassing and interwoven into one’s life as chastity is.
To wear a device, whose sole existence is to prevent you from playing with your penis or even getting an erection, twenty-four hours a day, placed by someone you are madly in love with is one of the most powerful experiences I have ever had.
